Open letter to the loveliest people

All,

Thank you so much for your kind and touching messages. The messages I've received have fed me at a time when I so acutely feel the absence of nourishment. Emily and I were both so evolved and accepting about this whole death thing and I really had no idea that the aftermath would be so hard. (I am composing my own TED talk called, “Maybe It’s Not So Great After All, Lady.” It's kind of like “The Nymph’s Reply to the Shepard” except not as charitable.) So, I’m so sorry that I’ve been remiss and ungracious. Please know that it is a function of diminished capacity and not diminished love.

Additionally, I haven’t been on the phone much because anytime anyone is nice to me for more than two minutes I just burst into tears.  Just ask the poor woman from PG&E who had the pleasure of speaking with me yesterday. On the plus side, no one asks you about a remaining balance when you are in tears. I do feel sorry for these poor people who I’m sure are instructed to say, “my condolences” when someone cancels a credit card or cable or whatever. I get that to not say anything would be insensitive but I am not trying to start a personal relationship with the AT&T representative.  (The American Express woman gave her perfunctory “my condolences” before a long beat while she looked up the account and then followed up with a very heartfelt, “Oh, that is a shame. Longtime card holder.” I must admit I am grateful for the suggestion for an epitaph. Emily Levine- Longtime Cardholder.)

In sum, thank you for your thoughts. I am being held up by the expressions of love.

Abby